Don't you want a white man?

The man asked and I quote "don't you want a white man?" Aaahhhh!! When I tell you my flabbers were gasted!

I've always known I have the unique talent of attracting the most unhinged and audacious men, but even I didn't see this one coming. If my fortune teller had predicted I'd meet a man who'd ask me this question I'd have shouted "reshuffle the cards, immediately!"

I met this one on the dating apps; yes, I should have learned my lesson by now. Don’t chastise me! We did the usual introduction, name, work etcetera and continued talking about random things. I thought, hmm a sensible one. Do not think that. Never think that. They just need you to give them a few more seconds before they get unhinged. Never think any of them are sensible. But you see, even I was not sensible at that point in time. He asked for my contact and I gave it to him. Mistake #1; why are you giving your number out after texting a random man on an app for a few hours? But hey, we learn from our mistakes.

“Hi baby” “This is my number, save it.” You guessed it right, that was his first text to me on WhatsApp. I cringed so hard it took me 5 minutes to send a reply. Because, sir, as a self-respecting man why are you calling me “baby” when you barely know me? Mistake #2, thinking he is a self-respecting man. But that’s the thing, never assume a man respects himself until he actually shows you that he does respect himself. Else, you’d end up building a wobbly wall of expectations bound to crumble immediately you blink. I should have called it out like I usually do. For the love of all that is holy, whatever stopped me from calling it out should be cast into an eternal flame to suffer from burns and shame.

I say “okay”. He then says he’s going back on set. Oh! I didn’t tell you? Yeah, he said he’s an actor. Another red flag. I must have been a bull on that day because why was I chasing all these red flags instead of just minding my business? Even bulls get rewarded, all I did was give myself trauma and a migraine. He then asked if I was done writing. I had told him I was writing an article earlier. I explained I was experiencing a bit of a writer’s block and it’d take me a while. To keep the conversation going and not seem rude, I asked what he ate since he mentioned he was going to eat. Mistake #3. See, do not open the doors for a man to ask you very, eerm for the lack of a better word, stupid questions. Protect your sanity. I simply asked this man what did you eat and he took that as a green flag he himself was never made of and I doubt he has ever seen to ask, “Can you cook?”. I looked at that text and for the first time learning from experience realized I was dealing with a human whom sense was chasing but who was simultaneously Usain Bolt’s distant cousin.

I decided to humor him. He’s an actor, the least I could do was match energies and become a comedian. I asked, “Do you want to hire a cook?” He replied, “Not just the cook but everything”. Now men like to do this thing where they think they are speaking in code while knowing very well they are offering crumbs in such a way that makes you question your sanity while losing braincells. The most irritating aspect is it works. As someone who likes to think of themselves as sane, a man not going straight to the point should be a turn off. I should have blocked immediately when he started the code talk. But that’s the thing with how that talk works, it piques your curiosity. It interestingly opens up the room for interrogation that seems innocently intriguing at first. But you should always know it won’t end well. Now, here I was thinking maybe just as Sabrina Carpenter says I know he’s an actor, he may “act like a standup guy” but oh! what I’d give to be a fly on the wall when Hades told Megara “Please, he’s a guy”. Because Hades, honey, you really ate with that line. He was not a standup guy! And he’s a guy! Imagine having all these high-quality role models and still getting to the point where a man asks you such a question. Ah! Shame has soaked my body! My ancestors must be rolling in their graves. Forgive your naïve descendant, please!

All that to say I asked him “Everything as in?” because who wouldn’t? He replied, “friends, traveling, sex, everything is fine”. Disgust mush have been dripping off my face at this point because eight minutes later I responded, “Everything but a relationship” and he audaciously typed “yes” and sent it to me. I looked at it, called on my ancestors to offer me a vile of patience, they directed me to chat GPT. I said, GPT what nonsense is this and why am I on the receiving end? GPT says, what do you want to tell him? I said what else is there to say than a polished, actor-like, professional way to tell him to go fuck himself? GPT says, “I’ve got you”. So, I get a well curated get off my phone text, return to send it two minutes later to meet the question of the century “Don't you want a white man?”

See, the question was anti-climatically overwhelming. I don’t know how else to describe the feeling. Because here I was reeling from the experience of being on the receiving end of his lack of self-awareness and ambition as a man nearing his 30s, begging GPT to offer me guidance on practicing the patience I’ve spent years asking my ancestors for while he just existed as an entity full to the brim with audacity and two brain cells fighting for third place. Because where did that question come from? What from our entire conversation led him up to that point? See, I feel like I am in that moment all over again. I even forgot to tell you what GPT told me to tell him before I saw that question. My trusted AI friend said “I appreciate your interest, but I’m not looking for anything casual right now. I wish you the best!”. GPT definitely put it much nicer than I would have and I had wanted to leave it at that. But seeing that question opened up the flood gate to all the irritation I was bottling up.

“I find that question inappropriate and disrespectful. I prefer to be seen as an individual rather than through stereotypes. Do not go around asking black women if they want a white man. If a woman is interested in you, she'd make it known without stereotyping your skin colour and you should return that level of respect! Have a good day!” was my last message to him before I blocked him.

So, if you see me around with a white man, just know I was bullied into it by a walking red flag with two brain cells, zero acting skills, and no sense. And you know I always come with the receipts.

white man screenshot one